Wife of a Cloonacool GAA man

Applicants must be attractive, with sharp constitution, good teeth and temper and prepared to work with efficiency and flair at lovemaking, child rearing, sewing, cooking, housecleaning and interior design. A good working knowledge of child, adult and bovine psychology and physiology, first aid, minor home repairs and a clean driving licence are also required. A good memory is a must in order that all calf breeding data, dates of sales and previous yearís records can be produced at a momentís notice. All mart dockets and NCF bills must be removed from trouser pockets or from glove compartment of car and properly filed for income tax purposes

Applicants must take care of all children's dental and vaccination appointments, attend parent-teacher meetings, stuff at least 10 children into a car and cart them to and from dancing and music classes, cheer loudly at football matches and always praise her spouse's performance no matter how bad. She must also have an IQ in order to have meals ready and for how many. What time matches are scheduled for and their location. Know where all the dirty gear has being thrown after training. Answer the phone in a polite manner despite the fact that the children are pulling the house down whiles she taking the message. She must also be able to drive/operate farm machinery (for towing cars out of ditches and wet fields). Be able to open and feed round bales, stand in a mucky gaps as well as assist with calf pulling, feeding of pet lambs and scour treatment.

Hours are flexible but will normally be from 7am to 10pm, 7 days a week. Although these hours may be often extended upon demand especially on the night of a meeting. Applicant is however assured that the 7 day a week will not be extended as no way has yet been found to do so yet.

There will be no salary, sick leave, social security or pension plan attached to this position. Room, bed and food will be provided free so as long as the lucky women, cleans the room, shares the bed and cooks the food. The employer has the privilege of terminating this employment at any time should a better prospects appear on the horizon.

Applicantís must have a good sense of humour and be able to distinguish between nagging (her complaining) and constructive criticism (employer's complaints). Once accepted successful applicants must be able to produce a notarised certificate of sanity, issued by a qualified psychiatrist so that she may not later plea that she must have being out of her mind in taking up the position!